Is your culture’s toxic positivity gaslighting your employees?
We talk to lots of clients about the power of their corporate values and behaviours. Using our own EI models for evaluation, what we often see is an unintended “toxic positivity” that can lead to gaslighting. Where people are prohibited from being their true authentic selves because it doesn’t align. In this article, we identify some signs that you may, unintentionally, be doing the same.
The definition of gaslighting is to; “manipulate (someone) using psychological methods, into questioning their own sanity or powers of reasoning.” How this plays out in the workplace is varied, but at a strategic level, it occurs when the corporate values and behaviours are designed to deliberately control the method and manner in which people think, act, engage and collaborate at the expense of inclusivity and authenticity.
When values and behaviours are embedded in a way that drives “toxic positivity”, we call it out as ‘corporate gaslighting’. At a minimum, it can be prohibiting the core elements required to build a high performing culture - trust and confidence (read our article here). At its worse, it can be an abuse of power and a subtle form of bullying.
Take this example.
A client had a workplace value stating; “we always have fun”. This business was one that regularly dealt with difficult situations and unhappy customers. The call centre team had very challenging jobs at the best of times and when COVID hit it was as bad as it could be. They were overwhelmed by volume and every call dealt with people facing an unknown future full of angst, anger and emotion. It was taking its toll.
Each time the team displayed emotion, put their hands up pleading for help and support, or said it was too hard, the manager’s response was; “come on, we always have fun here, shake it off” and; “you are bringing everyone else down, you need to have fun” and; “its only hard because you are making it hard with your attitude”. To be fair, the manager tried, but he tried within the required parameter, leaning on the value; “we need to have fun”. He would bring in cakes and pizza, play upbeat music, and write daily mantras on a whiteboard espousing positivity and how not to take things too seriously or personally.
They experienced an 80% turnover in 3 months crippling the business, yet no one could understand why. The manager was considered to be one of their best, so they blamed the job and COVID. The job was a factor for sure, but had the employees been able to express their emotions and this emotion was acknowledged, and the right tools and support provided the outcome could have been very different but the corporate value got in the way. The manager thought he was doing the right thing but his positivity was unintentionally toxic and it was the opposite of what people needed.
It is not realistic to always have fun - that is not real life. What the team needed was acknowledgement and initiatives to support resilience and mindfulnesses and given the right motivation to see it through.
Once we highlighted this problem, the company wanted to make a change. Their intent was not to create toxic positivity or to gaslight their employees to believe they were the problem. We helped them find an alternative value that had the same essence without the negative impact.
“If your values are “non-negotiable”, and those values have control methods designed to manipulate the way people think, act, react, interact, and this distorts genuine issues, you may be corporate gaslighting people into believing that their own intuitive response is either wrong or unacceptable.”
If someone in your organisation is having a hard time, or a bad day, or has made a mistake and the response they get is; “don’t worry about it”, “don’t whinge or whine that’s not how we do it here”, or the like, this is responding with toxic positivity and creating a culture of avoidance.
So why is toxic positivity a bad thing?
There is a societal norm that being a positive person, being fun, or someone who is only ever “glass half full”, makes you a good person. Nowadays we are subjected to a nearly endless deluge of “be positive” messages and the regurgitation of (unhelpful) quotes about success being derived from positivity.
The downside is that this prevents people from being real and authentic, and it diminishes the value of emotions and feelings. According to licensed clinical psychologist Rebecca Thomas, “toxic positivity is a commitment to optimism that can minimise or disregard someone’s true need to express emotion or views openly.” In other words, toxic positivity makes you believe you should have a positive mindset no matter what you’re going through.
Being positive all the time is just not realistic. Don’t get us wrong, positivity is great, and a positive outlook most of the time is healthy, but it’s only one dimension and people are so much more than one dimension.
How is it corporate gaslighting?
Workforces that uses their culture norms and values and behaviours to make people believe that is the only way to behave may be unknowingly gaslighting.
If your approach to embedding values into an organisation makes them “non-negotiable”, and those values have hidden control methods designed to manipulate the way people think, act, react, interact, and there are constant reminders or “brainwashing”, then it is likely you are corporate gaslighting people into believing that their own intuitive response, the way they think and feel, or how they deal with situations, is either wrong or unacceptable.
And, you are probably squashing inclusivity and creating robots! Companies must have guiding principles - values and behaviours are critical to creating great cultures - but you must ensure that they are not driving toxic positivity or squashing authenticity and inclusivity.
Here is a quick yes/no checklist to see if your values are creating “toxic positivity” or gaslighting employees:
Do your corporate values mandate a certain type of behaviour that denies people being their true authentic selves?
Do your corporate values mandate a certain “status quo” that shouldn’t be challenged?
Do your leaders have mantras such as “suck it up”, “that’s how we do it around here”, “that’s what’s expected”, “don’t worry, be happy”, “you have no choice”, “you’re too dramatic”, “you are bringing everyone down”.
Is emotion frowned upon?
If people share their concerns and flag issues openly and transparently are they put back in their box or pigeonholed as difficult?
Is there a dressing down of people when they buck the expected behavioural norms?
If you answer yes to any of all of these, you need to do some work on understanding what type of culture your values and behaviours are driving. Over time, misalignment happens. What was intended by the values and behaviours gets lost and counterproductive interpretation arises.
We are not espousing anarchy here either! Corporate principles and guiding values and behaviours are essential. What we are saying is don’t let these values stifle diversity and inclusivity, the power of emotion and caring, or the ability for people to be real.
Often there is a lack of quality training to help people really understand what the values and behaviours are and what they actually look like. Constant visual and verbal reminders don’t help understand what you really mean. When people come into the organisation and during their time there, ask yourself if you are doing enough to make sure that everyone is interpreting what is expected in the right way. In particular, do you train not only what success looks like but what it doesn’t look like? Read our article here about building cultures that inspire greatness.
Without the right training, you allow the evolution of interpretation and this is when it can go awry. Training in corporate values, as well as quality leadership training, will help eliminate unintended gaslighting and will avoid behaviour that amounts to unintended toxic positivity.
Reviewing your culture to look for unintended toxic positivity is essential. And if you have posters up or send out so called “inspiring” emails that mandate “fun”, or “positivity” mantras, take them down and make them stop. They don’t work!
If you would like to know more about our leadership and culture programs or support to review your corporate values and behaviours, reach out. Getting this right will be a game changer for your overall performance agenda.
